My reason for living

SEVEN ON SUNDAY

1. okay here is the email address for Google sorry Tiff i realized that i have my old one for blogging and i can't view your blog:)

Jess_brendancox@hotmail.com. so if you would like to invite me to view your blog add this email address. thanks.

2. this week has been both stressful and rewarding all at the same time. the stress part was working last weekend and pulling a double/turn around shift on Monday. and Tuesday was hard to work. but wed and Thurs were enjoyable days off work. Thursday was kyle's fourth birthday and it was both a spiritual and emotional roller coaster. first kyle woke up in the morning and I sat up and asked how was my birthday boy and gave him a hug and kiss and he smiled. then he proceeded to ask if i remembered going camping with daddy this summer. i asked at Yellowstone and he said yes. then he said but daddy doesn't want to live with us anymore does he. as i was thinking he said but " mommy families are forever." it broke my heart and made me feel a great love for my boy who seems to understand this simple truth I have been trying to teach him. I was angry at Brendan all over again for not realizing the pain he has caused his own flesh and blood. needless to say it was my angry week. but I survived.

3. depressing week....sometimes I just miss having my "best friend" to talk to at night when the kids are asleep. I feel bad and so alone at night sometimes. I have a great SUPPORT system here and I would NOT survive without Nate and steph, but still at the end of the day I go home alone and everyone else goes on with their life. I took that all for granted i am sure. you don't realize how much you enjoyed those evenings after kids were put to bed and you had that alone time to just "talk". I am really doing fine just feeling lonely. this too will pass.

4. my dad had a chest x-ray and they found out that he did not have pneumonia but found a couple of masses instead. WHOA!!! well anyways he went to the pulmonologist and he seemed to not be too worried about the masses they are only 2 and 3 cm. I know prayers were heard on his behalf. just has to have scans every 3-4 mos to see if any changes occur. so once again miracles continue to happen in our life.

5.my in-laws(okay i still cannot bring myself to call them my ex and probably never will) came up this weekend for kyle's birthday and to see the grand kids. It was a great visit. I have grown to love Kim and Brenda dearly as if they were my second set of parents. they have given me numerous counsel that will Be eternal in its effect and have loved me unconditionally. KIM fixed my apple, corer, slicer....what a man! now apple pie filling won't be so excruciating to can this week. thanks guys for your help with fixing little things around the house and playing with the kids...also for helping me keep my temper in control:) we sure love them!

6. Brendan came up for the day on Saturday to celebrate kyle's birthday with us. Thanks to him for finding the "perfect" bike and sacrificing his time to come all the way up. We all had fun at chuckie cheese's and left with headaches. and of course we realized once again that i don't read maps well even if it is with a navigation system!!!! kyle got a new bike from mommy and daddy, transformers from gma and gpa and uncle wade, and a new helmet for his bike from uncle nana and aunt steph. it was fun and the dinosaur cake i made turned out half-way normal(kenzie kept telling me it looked like a cows head). so enjoy the pics of this FUN day.

7. Forgiveness. a lesson i keep learning over and over again. I guess Heavenly Father is trying to teach me how to forgive easier and let go of things i cannot change. this week has been full of small little insights and learning opportunities for me. with all of life changes we have made i sometimes get REALLY angry and it always seems to come when i think i have finally forgiven and let go so i can move on. I think of all the time my Heavenly Father forgives me and i often wonder why i can't be as forgiving. today the thought occurred to me that i am trying to become more righteous everyday, but it takes and eternity to become like our Heavenly Father. as long as I am striving each day to be better and realize without the Savior I cannot make it through this life or into the next then I am doing the best i can. so once again just do better each day and each day is a new beginning.