My reason for living

So after talking to a dear friend of mine, I realized that the emotions I am feeling are normal part of the grieving process. I never had a complete break of my formal family until recently. It's like the loss and pain are new in a different way. Until a few weeks ago I still had the support of an amazing family and ow well I realize I am not the flesh and blood and I had a fantasy vision of always being loved and accepted by them. After all it was their son who had offended not me! well as I have been going to the temple and continuing in prayer and so forth I realized that He woukld never feel loved and accepted by his family with me around. The hurt is overwhelming at times. I stayed in Idaho so that my kids could see their father and under the impression I would have outside support. I know the Lord is aware of me. I am receiving support as much as they can from my dear family 2k miles away and my brother and sister in law here. But I have even got the support of someone who truly undertsands from experience, Jen my dear friend. I also have met a few people in my ward who have similar expereince that have been brought into my life. I love all my friends and family far and near who are praying for me aND offering words of compfort. I also came to understand even more there are severeal steps of grief. I am not crazy or unstable because I get angry at people who hurt me or my children. It's ok and normal for me to get angry when I see my ex or think about the circumstances i am in. It's ok to have negative feelings about Corey and how he too hurt me in ways that ran deep to the core. I can have these feeling and it's normal as long as I don't get stuck. I am ok and no I don't need professional help, I believe with all my heart taht I would have expereinced these feelings 3 yrs ago if things went as they should have instead of still being connected to the cox family. I love my children and am grateful for my family both blood and ward, and I know that it's ok to experience feelings. the Lord gave us feelings so we could expereince life both the good and bad.