My reason for living

today is a new day. a new beginning of sorts. I hurt so badly when my children are hurting. last night mackenzie cried with me over some choices her father has made. She said daddy buys things for tracey so he won't lose her, but he still hasn't bought me my bike for my birthday. He promised me mommy. Then to find out that he flew his girlfriend down to vegas in october for a vacation with him, but couldn't afford child support for months or buy his daughter a birthday present!he is so focused on his fiance that he is hurting his children terribly. I pray for my kids everyday. I have even been asked to step away as a cox to allow her to be loved by them! I am only in Idaho so my kids can see their dad...oh how i wish I would've moved away 3 years ago for a fresh start anywhere. Now I feel so alone....I know this statement might hurt, but things would have been better if my husband died over a divorce! His parents said to me once how they are so happy that Min can stay home with her kids. It would've been hard for her children if she would have had to go to work, Well There are 3 other grandchildren that have suffered greatly that they don't seem to recognize. They cry at times because they miss their mommy. I have to work over time most weeks just because their dad doesn't pay his child support. A friend of mine in my ward has been through both a death of her husband and a divorce.....she stated that divorce is much harder! when her husband passed away she knew she and her children were loved. The divorce was bitter to be openly rejected and unloved is a harder pill to swallow, I will continue to have Hope which will lead to greater Faith and eventuallu I will know I am truly loved by someone out there!!